So apparently, if I don’t have anything to feel directly guilty about and things are going swimmingly for me, my subconscious will actually make stuff up for me to feel guilty about. Last night’s dream woke me at 3:41am and it took me hours to fall asleep again, trying to figure out how to handle a sticky situation that I'd just created in my dream. That half-awake worry tumbled into fully awake worries about the other issues I still feel—unresolved stuff with Brian, for instance. I really abhor that my mind does that to me.
I am trying to figure out what to do when that occurs. It’s very difficult to just roll over and fall back asleep...after all, it’s me we’re talking about here. Hehe.
About my current state of affairs, I’m in a seemingly perpetual state of “want.” I want to lose weight; I want meaningful, fulfilling romantic love; I want to create amazing music and write good books and see the world. It seems as if none of that stuff is happening fast enough to keep up with my desires. Exactly how mature am I, that I still doggedly maintain this "need" for instant gratification?
Hmmmm......
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