One of the worst mornings I've had in recent memory, and it's only 7:15am. I awoke at 6, my digestive tract roiling with its usual way when I am stressed beyond capacity. My eyes are swollen from crying over a sad, difficult conversation I had last night; my head is pounding, and my heart is aching. As if that weren't enough, stupid money worries are gnawing away at the lining of my stomach and my brain is racing trying to solve the problems and not being able to because quite simply, I have nothing.
I know, I KNOW, things will be okay. Today I am decidedly not okay.
I do not like knowing that my phone will be disconnected because to pay it means I would owe more than my entire paycheck. My mom has sent me money but apparently, just my luck--the card is lost in the mail. Tom & Laura are giving me a little for taking care of their pets too, but I probably won't see that until they get back. My health has deteriorated a lot since this time last year, and to top it off, on Sunday I am having my 35th birthday. No one can tell me I am a young woman anymore. It's getting to me more than I thought it would. I feel stunted in personal growth, run-down and world-weary, and realizing that I may never find real, true, two-sided romantic love. At 35, I thought I would be firmly ensconced in who I want to be, and happy about it.
I am completely depressed today in all aspects.
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