The Power of Expression

I have been thinking long and hard lately about what makes people love one another. I've talked to some random people about this topic, and people are saying the same thing over and over:

TELL THEM THAT YOU LOVE THEM.

Women differ from men in that above all, they appreciate the "grand gesture." What that means is not that the man has to leap tall buildings in a single bound or give expensive jewelry or cook dinner for them every night or do all those other things that seem so scary and demanding. Rather, the grandest gestures of all are accomplished by just TALKING to women.

One of the keys to true intimacy is to take a personal risk by baring numerous doubts, inconsistencies and vulnerable feelings…yes, even (and especially) those which have to do with the person you are trying to relate to. Women do it with one another every single day.

Most sensitive women find a man who does that irresistible, romantic, lovable, and sensitive. When that woman comes along who makes a man want to say those things, then they are both are learning the real truths of life and love. Of course, like for all of us, it doesn't always work out...but it MUST be attempted time and time again. It's the only way to love. Be foolish.

Women want words. Even if they tell you they "don't want to talk about it." Women who are mentally healthy yet who pretend they don't want intimate words are usually just waiting for the other person to instigate the talking. We get really freakin' tired of being the ones to always swallow our own pride and make intimacy happen. Even in platonic friendships, this is paramount.

I have known many men in my life, and I've noticed that the happiest ones are the ones who have learned the smallest trick of interpersonal relationships: not only observing, but also TELLING those women closest to them several special things. Whether it's a mother, a sister, a best friend, a lover, or a wife, the following are always welcomed.


1) "You look/smell/feel, (etc)… nice/beautiful/sweet/good, etc..."

2)"I was thinking today about why I care about you, and this is why: ___"

3) "You're so good at _____."

4) "I admire you because _____."


And so on. Mix, match, invent...go crazy.

There is not a person alive (at least who isn't pretty screwed up, self esteem-wise ) who could find kind words anything but bolstering. We all need it, too. Men get very used to having it from women, that's for sure. And my closest girlfriends are those who say that stuff to me, and I am all too ready to say it to them as well.

VERY IMPORTANT: People who feel they "don't have to say it" because we "should just know it" are, frankly, dead wrong. They DO have to say it. And they have to say it A LOT. No matter how long you know each other.

Women very naturally make a habit of nurturing and complimenting, whereas for men it's a bit harder. The ones I know that do this are loved in spades because they have learned these small tricks. And the funny thing is, every time I see one of them start the habit, it becomes tangibly visible when they find out how good compliments make both persons feel, and as it becomes second nature, and that's when true happiness sets in for everyone involved. It makes my heart sing to see that happen for other people.

Even the best men with the best hearts in the world aren't going to get the love they deserve if they never take a chance, swallow that stupid feeling, and just say what they feel to the people they love.