Today I am experiencing a very odd mix of feeling both sentimental and cynical. I want to cherish, and be cherished by, those who are in my life. I want them to call me, I want them to say they care about me and that I make their lives wonderful. I want to hear words like "I value you" or "I miss you," or "I admire you," and yes, even "I love you." Lip-service may not pay much in the long run, but I'm pretty broke right now. I could use some.
This mood is probably hormonal, in all honesty...but just the same, sometimes a person such as I gets tired of being the one who usually reaches out. It happens so naturally for me. I love to love people. Then occasionally, on days like today, I may just be doing myself a disservice. Because truth be told, if I look at myself harshly as I am wont to do, it's almost like I'm "lying in wait", expecting the ones I love to do something for me in return. I want a "gesture", if you will. Grand it need not be...small ones please me on the same scale as a great one. But even the fact that I want that or need that is hard for me to accept.
As I said, this is probably a hormonal thing, but it's still valid. I just usually don't need it so strongly, or feel the need to voice it.
I feel a lot lonely, and a little sad today.
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