Lest I forget to remind myself....

I am NOT an idiot.
I am NOT an idiot.
I am NOT an idiot.
I am NOT an idiot.
I am NOT an idiot.
I am NOT an idiot.
I am NOT an idiot.
I am NOT an idiot.
I am NOT an idiot.
I am NOT an idiot.

I am not a *total* idiot.

I don't trust anyone, though. I foresee a listless personal future because others will never be able to give me what I need. I give myself what I need, but that only goes so far. I have ideas of how to fix the fulfillment issue, but ultimately I don't have the nerve.

I do know, however, that I'm fooling myself if I ever think any of this is going to work out for the better. Nothing like trying to explain it to your friends with that hollow, hopeful voice.

I'm writing this somewhat pathetic, whiny post in the hopes that someday I will be able to see solid written evidence that for once, I was wrong. I want that moment so bad that I can taste it. I do not want to instead come back and read things like this and nod to myself and say "Well, Caroline. Looks like you were right. And guess what? You wasted your life."


One thing I would like to change about myself. I am too quick to become hopeful.