The War of Priorities

Finding myself amidst what I'm calling the War of Priorities.

A week after my first post, I have begun transitioning into a writing machine. That is, if you include lots of research and reading as part of the writing process - which it is.  Word count?  Not so much - yet. 

Happily, I recently got a really good idea for a first fiction novel (!) and have begun to map it out. I'm so into it - it's like "Hollywood movie" good - and not done by anyone yet, to the best of my knowledge.  Priorities for that project involve character development and establishing patterns of prose. I already know it's going to be in the first person, as so many YA novels are.  That's what works the best to place the reader in the middle of the action. There's so much to figure out!

Of all my projects, I'm most excited about this fiction novel. But admittedly, I have a tendency to start many projects and finish much fewer.  I have some other commitments I must finish before I can really sink into this one.

Here's the Big One: I got an email from my editor yesterday letting me know that the History Press is shooting for a March publication date, and will I have the Texas prison bands book finished in time?  The answer is YES - if I become a writing machine.  The question is, will I?

Ugh...I've been struggling with this project. Part of my struggle is because although the research is fun, the writing isn't as fun.  Non-fiction. Whoop-de-doo.  The other underlying issue is a deeper one...I'm suffering from a lack of confidence. I know I can write, but is it good?  Is it interesting? Will the end result impress the people I hope to impress?  Am I trying to be someone I'm not with historical research projects like this one? Gads. I'm not sure why I can't abandon these little mental roadblocks and just GO FOR IT.  I am the expert on this. I have the ability and now, finally, I have the time to write well.  Which I MUST do, by the end of October.  So I can have a publication date of March 2016. Pressure much?

Another contender in the War of Priorities is that I find myself trying to do this other thing that involves hanging out with real human beings during the day!  I do a weekly Writer's Group meeting, so that's one down.  I've got a couple of coffee shops conducive to writing for hours on end. I'm practicing guitar and singing harmonies with folks, talking about music - just trying to keep life fun and remember what really makes me happy. I'm making plans with close friends who are visiting town for one night,  and an old friend who just moved here. Most importantly, I plan to spend a fair amount of time with a friend of mine who lost her husband very suddenly a few weeks back.  They were my age - and SO in love - and she woke up one morning, looked over at him and saw that he would never wake up again.  It breaks my heart.

The fuss and furor of his sudden death have passed, her mother has finally left and gone back home, and she finds herself wondering how her days are going to be filled.  That breaks my heart more than anything. Although I can't be her husband, or anywhere close to replacing what she has lost,  I can be a friend - just be there for her in the weeks and months after he is gone. I can invite her to hang out and go do silly things like go to the mall or the movies, or play music together, or just sit and talk - but above all, I must do what I can to inject a little bit of balm and humor into her days, which are going to be long, painful and humorless for a very long time.

:(


In the end, I've found that after only a week and a half of being unemployed - I'm TIRED!  Mostly it's due to the comedown of constant stress and lack of sleep. I thought sleep would even out after I left my job, but now I can't sleep until the wee hours of the morning on some nights...and I sleep for ten hours on other nights. What's with that?  Will it even out?  I sure hope so.  The other reason I'm so tired is because I've been getting regular physical exercise - swimming and walking, most days of the week.  I haven't been so active in ages and it feels great.

SO. What have I learned from these past few days?  When it comes to the War of the Priorities, all battles must be fought. And in the end, I will win. 

Unemployment & Personal Freedom

For the first time since 2005, I don't have a job.

It's weird.

I spent my first unemployed work day running around town with my bestie Rachel, who was in Austin on an overnight for her job with SW Airlines. We ate like pigs, drank margaritas, had Mexican food & BBQ and caught up. We floated in Barton Springs and gabbed about our musical projects. It was the best "first day of not working" I could've hoped for - celebratory! Not commiserative.

Yesterday, my second unemployed day, was spent coughing, whining, and making chicken soup. Apparently the stress and insomnia of all the recent changes had finally caught up with me.  I wanted to do so much with my new-found freedom, but all I did was lie around like a pile of stinky laundry (which reminds me ----).

Since I found out our local office was closing in early June and that my position would not transition to working from home (aka, goodbye and thanks for playing!), I've been making lists of everything I will finally have time to do with 45 more hours in the week.  First and foremost on my list is actually NOT finding another job, but finishing my book.

 I've been working on my little book about Texas prison bands for 2 years and I no longer can put it off. I need to FINISH it by the end of October, and my editor at the History Press has told me this it the last chance I've got to postpone.  SO.  Being one that starts projects but never finishes (with a million excuses as to why), I'm determined to do this. Now, while I have time to focus, I'm actually able to reach this goal. For once!

I'm also in school this semester (still trying to finish my degree), and I am slated to write an essay for the Oxford University Press, first draft of which is due in December.  Luckily, a couple of months ago, I purchased an all-too-helpful little book entitled "How to Write a LOT", and it's been wonderful at outlining how to prioritize writing projects and deliverables. It's behavioral and not all introspective, which works great for me.  I've been referring to it heavily as I plan out my writing endeavors. It's reduced a lot of my writing-related stress.

Another writing goal I have is to land some paid writing gigs. Medical writing, technical writing, music writing...it doesn't matter. I just need to make some more money doing this so I can market myself as a paid writer and move forward with my goals.  I'm checking various outlets on the topic but I'm still learning about it all, so it's a work in progress. In the meantime, I'm returning to blogging to hone my skills on fast-paced entries. That's why for the first time in 3 years, I'm posting an entry.

I also plan to build up my fiction-writing chops.  My love of reading fiction and my love of writing are supposed to play out into something meaty to put out there for others, damn it!  I've been going to some meetup.com groups for writing, and I plan to join others. I work much better when I have external factors pressuring me to work on my activities: band rehearsals, upcoming albums, work deadlines, book deadlines. Give 'em to me and I will meet them!

In a few weeks, when I'm about a month from my severance pay running out, I'm going to apply for the dole and start finding something in earnest.  In the meantime, I've got music to write, gigs to book, a book to write, and my health and sanity to regain.

Health. Sanity. Lowering stress.  YES. With this morning's writing exercise completed, it's time to go exercise my body.  I had a green smoothie with PB2 this morning and some toasted seed bread, so off I go for a boardwalk romp!  It's a nice, overcast day with a hint of cool in the air, so I'm going to take advantage of all the natural beauty Austin has to offer before I come home and work on all these other goals.