My great expectations

Okay, a little bit of honest journal entry. I'll probably remove this later, falling victim to the "acting like you don't care" routine.

I've gone my whole life trying not to expect too many things from people. However, I've learned that try though I might, I have expectations, and they are high ones. I try and give to people as much as I can. Anyone who knows me knows that..

Why can't people treat you the way you treat them? I don't want to be bitter, but it's a feeling I experience more and more. Sure, I could pull back on my openness; sure, I could pull back on my communicative tendencies. I could play games like 'Hard-to-get' or ' I don't care about you' or 'You don't know what I'm feeling.' I've resolved to do that many a time; hell, probably even succeeded.

To those of you who worry if you've let me down, you probably have. To those of you who worry if you might've hurt me, you probably have. To those of you who think I give too much, I probably do. If you are wondering if I'm meaning something about you personally, I might be. But keep in mind that this journal entry is the result of a build-up of many issues; many friendships and relationships, and many disappointments. So don't let it eat you up too much.

Just give the bullshit a rest and take a chance on others. They aren't all going to be bastards. And as for me...treat me better from now on, OK?

I don't want to (and am probably unable to) change who I am and become a bitter, untrusting person. I want to protect myself, but in the end if I gave less than I am capable of giving; pulled back, I would only cause hurt feelings in others who are honest of heart. These are the people I love, so I don't. Being bitter and untrusting wastes the gift of life.