The Power of Positive Thinking

"Positive people tend to have many similar characteristics, such as respecting everyone's contribution to a project and knowing during hard times that things will get better. They have the power to make that change happen, an understanding that their attitudes can directly affect outcomes, and a commitment to increasing positive thoughts and diminishing negative ones. Are you putting effort towards becoming a more positive person? Avoid complaining when things are turning sour, realize that the negatives and the positives in life will level out, and take responsibility for your life and actions. You are the only person responsible for your attitude--and your life."


Too true, too true. Taken from one of Sparkpeople's helpful and relevant emails, today's motivational topic got me thinking about whether or not I am a happy/positive person.

One thing I've learned about myself - when my health isn't well, my brain isn't well. It's so effing difficult to maintain optimism when your body is experiencing so much pain that your goal for the weekend will be to clean the house or do the dishes.

Thank GOD I am past that stage. As an active person who finally learned the value of exercise and eating well, I never thought I'd get to a sad point like that. Well, 2 car accidents in 2 months cured me of that notion.

Even after a year of struggle (after the initial healing), I now fully comprehend the frustration so many feel when they find themselves relegated to a wheelchair or a walker after a sudden accident. It's trully mind-altering as well as body altering. It may appear "selfish" that so many of these people refuse to live a life like that and decide to off themselves...but now that I've been to that dark, pessimistic and all-consuming place in my mind, I can certainly get why they would.

I say all this because I find myself much changed in the past few years...from doing AMAZINGLY to doing pretty well to car accidents to doing poorly to slowly doing better and better every day, the health pendulum is swinging in a good direction once again.

I walked on Town Lake this weekend...twice. I just walked again with Monica before work today. If I can surmount the nagging Plantar Fasciitis caused by walking around New York in improper shoes during the Christmas break, then I might just be able to turn myself into a jock.

Is it odd to find yourself in better shape at 40 than you ever were at 20? Of course not...I hope to be svelte and athletic by the time I turn 40, and I can live with that realistic goal because I have 3 years to do it.

I've always been a fan of the "new lease on life" concept, and feel very strongly that one of the benefits to being an intelligent human being is learning to invent and re-invent oneself in order to keep the positive flowing and the negative at bay.

I plan to do that for the entirety of my life. Exercise, maybe a new coffee table...it all makes sense.

Matamoras, Monterrey, and...South Padre?

For some reason, I've been planning several different road trips to take place this weekend, for the past month. It's not like this is a particularly special weekend; in fact, no time from work is being taken at all (not like when I go to New Mexico next month).

The thing is, the after-lull of my whirlwind last six months (school, work, boyfriend, breakup, band, quitting band, Niagara, West Seneca, Chicago, lovely Strep throat, 2 Texas road trips, Norway, and Barb and both Rachels visiting)...things have finally slowed to a point where the weekend has become to me a series of hours to be filled. Yes, I just said HOURS TO BE FILLED.

What? No one should feel that way, least of all me. I mean, do I look like Dilbert to you? It's pretty sad when I find myself looking forward to work on Monday morning because I'm so bored and lonely on the weekends.

Now don't get me wrong, I've been DOING stuff...shopping, exercising, going out to eat, going out, having fun relaxing at home, playing guitar, reading, going to movies...but for the most part, I've been doing all of these things by myself. All weekend. Every weekend.

I'm more introverted than I used to be, but after a while, well...I get tired of me. Also compounded by the fact that I live alone (which I usually love).


Originally I was thinking of driving up to Joplin, MO for the HAMB drag races. There I could meet Rachel and see Kurt again after all these years. Instinct told me to put this one to bed, so I did...plus it was a 9+ hour drive. Then I remembered that Seth had talked about the Tumbleweed Festival in Garden City, KS. After researching that and talking about it with them, I debated on it.

The inevitable conclusion was that if I'm really going to take a road trip this weekend, it had better be someplace NOT in Kansas or Missouri.

And so...beach sounded good, Mexico sounded good, so I combined the two by finding on Travelocity.com a decently priced hotel room on South Padre Island. Using this as a homebase, I can enjoy some sun and sand and seawater on BOTH sides of the border.

I figure Matamoros is a must; then perhaps Chad and I and whoever else comes with us can take a little sojourn down to Monterrey, which to me looks fascinating despite Steve's nay-saying. And Chad, a Chicago boy, has actually never been to Mexico so all of this will be a new experience for him.

The experience being: he'll probably look around at the town of Matamoros and say..."Isn't this just a dirtier version of South Congress and Stassney?" Heh.

I wish sometimes that I weren't a woman. It's difficult to do some of the things I fantasize about. My fantasy is to do them alone, for the most part...which can be tricky if not downright stupid in Mexico these days. The Mexico of my imagination is not to be trusted.

Nevertheless, here's one: I walk into the La Moreliana Meat Market at Alpine and Congress (where I used to be the most regular you ever saw)...buy a ticket and catch one of those buses that head deep into interior Mexico. From some bus stop that I will only determine based on instinct and whim, I would get off the bus. From there there I'd rent or "borrow" a Mexi-hoopty and drive to Teotihuacan . And of course on this trip I'd also explore many, MANY places in the country that have been extolled in literature since the age of the Spanish Conquest. Ever read Bernal Diaz' "The Conquest of New Spain", written in 1585? You should. And of course the haunts of Frida Kahlo, Diego Rivera, William S. Burroughs, and Leon Trotsky...and the glorious jungle. And San Miguel and Zacatecas and Veracruz and Cuernavaca and Campeche and Morelia and...well, you get the picture.

But for now? Matamoros. Monterrey. Baby steps.

Letting it all out

I went to El Mercado for dinner and drinks with a friend of mine tonight. I'm very happy for her since her blog, which is outrageous, tell-all (but no specifics) and thought-provoking, got picked up by a national website.

After years of feeling like,"Oh, people know me and my music so I'd better not say what I actually think", I've decided to just...do it. Thanks, Ms. A, for reminding me that people sound their most amazing when they speak their own truths.

Even if they're misguided, off-base, over-emotional, or just plain wrong.

I saw D. last night after not having seen him since that awkward conversation on the last day of April, when we (okay, HE) decided that we shouldn't date anymore.

And though we all know that the first time seeing someone after you split is always hardest, I didn't expect to lie awake all night crying over the fact that through every action he made, I felt more and more insignificant. I liked his girlfriend. She was WAY different than him, but then he always said he and I were too similar. Whatever. That doesn't really make sense and in the end it's just someone else saying in a kindler, gentler way (or so they think) that they're "just not that into you."

Especially when you find out they hooked up only a few days after you split up. And took her on the trip to Mexico that you and he'd been planning for months after the last time you two went and enjoyed yourselves more than you ever had before.

Asshole. I wish I'd known you never gave a shit.

I'm glad I went to the barbecue, even after I pulled up and saw his car and knew it'd likely turn out to be the kind of night it did. I needed people around, and truthfully I want the best for many people, even (or especially) him. But something besides the wine had to set me off like that, seeing as I'm pretty damned happy and satisfied with things these days.

I think I've got it nailed down after all these years:

1) I hate feeling insignificant.

2) I hate being ignored.

I'm true blue, heart o' gold if the other person doesn't regularly do one of the above. Otherwise, what the hell am I doing with them?

It's a little sad, but the ego in me wants to scream out, "Hey, Baby! I'm on magazine covers. I tour Europe at least once a year. I blow my own mind. I blow most people's minds except yours lately, apparently. You missin' OUT, baybay."

But the truth is, I don't need to say that, and I'm well aware that this attitude is not my pervading reality. I only really WANT to say that when someone makes me feel insignificant or ignored.

It's time to write some more songs, methinks.

Very interesting

It's been a long time since I've regularly blogged on this site, so I just went back and re-read a few. In one of my blogs from late 2006, I made a list of things I wanted to accomplish n 2007. It's taken awhile and a lot of it sure didn't happen in 2007, but surprisingly I've achieved the majority of the list.

HERE'S THE LIST:

1) Start back to school - DONE! STARTED THIS SPRING.
2) Visit Uncle Sam - STILL WANT TO
3) Record/release Casey Sisters CD/DVD package - DECIDED AGAINST IT
4) Play in Europe once more- DONE! ABOUT 3 MORE TIMES SINCE THEN
5) Record with Don Cavalli - DECIDED AGAINST IT
6) Get a raise - DONE! SURE AS SHOOTIN', AND A PROMOTION TOO.
7) Visit my mom - DONE! 10 DAYS AT CHRISTMAS 2007
8) Finish my solo album - DONE! RELEASED IN 2008, DOING JUST GREAT
9) HOPEFULLY no more car wrecks - NONE SINCE THEN, WAHOO!
10) Meet someone who falls for ME in return DONE, LIKE 3 TIMES SINCE THEN
11) Drink less - DONE! I DRINK LOTS LESS
12) Eat less--LOSE fifteen pounds - DONE! I'VE LOST 30 AND I'M FEELING GREAT
13) Take a trip to Big Bend - STILL WORKING ON THIS ONE
14) Jaunt off to Mexico for a few - DONE!
15) Refinance car - DONE!
16) Start 401K at new employer DECIDED TO WAIT UNTIL IT'S WORTH IT.
17) Start savings account - DONE!
18) Get a little Schnauzer - STILL THINKING ABOUT IT
19) Buy a powerbook - DONE, THANKS TO STEVE
20) Buy a nice guitar - DONE THANKS TO STEVE
21) Buy a decent bed - DONE! AND I LOVE IT.

Mo' livia

Tonight I had:

Charcuterie Plate - rabbit rillette, homemade prosciutto, stone-ground mustard, crostini and peppered grapes

Beet Salad - roasted and stacked with fresh tarragon, arugula and goat cheese

Pan-Seared Amberjack with bacon lentils, fried garlic, capers, frisee & butter-poached egg

Small scoop of heavily chocolate ice cream

Tonight's the first night that the manager came over and actually asked me to provide him with a critique. I felt so sheepish giving him my honest opinion that I need to develop a tougher skin, I guess. I eat there a lot so maybe they're going to listen, and maybe I should say something.

Never had rabbit rillette before. Don't know what's in it yet, but I'm sure I'll be appalled when I find out. Prosciutto was a little too vinegary.

Their beet salad was yummy, as always. This was the dish that made me a convert of this restaurant, and I can't tell you how happy I am that although they change their menu every day, they always leave this on there. Even though I've learned how to recreate a nearly identical version at home, I never seem to go there without eating this delicious salad. It's something about the tarragon (which I usually find overpowering), the goat cheese and a barely-there vinaigrette that tastes so awesome with a bit o' bitter greens.

Because they change the menu every day, they're constantly experimenting with new items. Sometimes it's a hit (their scallops usually KILL), and sometimes it's a miss.

In general, I want to tell them that their primary mistake is that the main courses tend to be too heavy-handed. For instance, their "linguini alla chitarra with clams" is always on the menu (and always a prix fixe item) but I'd seen enough after the first time. The pasta's a great texture but they need to go WAY easier on the italian sausage. It's very heavily spiced, and that renders everything else in the dish totally indistinguishable. If a fresh clam can't be tasted, what the hell am I paying for? And then there's the the fear that the acid was going to cause blisters in my mouth while eating it, and the heartburn that occurred later.

Most of the other instances where I find Olivia lacking when they go overboard on the pancetta, adding eggs and sauces until whatever the protein is (scallops, pork, beef, etc.) doesn't stand a chance. It's no fun to order something with the intent to have something a little sinful, but then turns out to be so sickeningly rich, you want to throw up less than halfway through. I blame the pancetta...seems to be the culprit every time.

So tonight the manager came over and asked me what I though of the amberjack, and I told him flat out that the dish was beautifully crafted and all the items tasted delicious both by themselves and in various combination, with one exception: the fish.

First off, I was chomping and chomping on the sear, trying to get through to the fish. When I did get to it, the inner texture was somewhat overdone. But I was the most disappointed when it just tasted like...nothing. I mean, NOTHING.

Now, I'm no Top Chef, but I love good food and I've waited and cooked in some really nice restaurants over the years. I've never gone to school for it, and I know damn well that I don't know jack when it comes to professional cooking, but at least this evening I learned that I'm experienced enough (as a cook, gourmand, whatever) to tell what a dish needs.

When he asked me what I thought, I told him that the dish would have been amazing, had the fish been just a little less cooked and if they'd added some sort of acid or distinct flavor to the fish. Why pay for a slab of expensive protein that tastes like nothing and adds nothing?

I felt sheepish telling him this, but it was my honest opinion. I admitted I've never had amberjack before...but from what I could tell, it's a firm-fleshed but mild-tasting fish. So if it is, maybe the way it was prepared isn't the way to go? I think a citrus marinade or some other form of acidic zest would have given the fish a winning place in that dish, not a losing one.

When I got home, I looked up amberjack as a food and lo, and behold! I learned that it's an extremely easy fish to overcook and also that it's so mild tasting that marinades are strongly suggested with it. Now I feel sort of proud of myself for nailing it!

Don't get me wrong, though. Olivia's great. Their wines are divine, as are the risottos. It's an amazing building and I love the vibe. There's always something on the menu that I've never tried (amberjack, pork jowl, lambs' tongue fricassee). And as long as I don't order a dish that SOUNDS heavy, it's usually pretty damned good.

Good friends, good food, good wine, good times

I've been trying to enjoy some of the simpler things in life. For instance, instead of rushing around in the mornings, a coupel of times a week I get up an hour earlier and put on coffee, toast a whole wheat english muffin and place in between one scrambled egg, a piece of turkey bacon, and a smattering of reduced-fat cheddar cheese. Hang out at home and have a leisurely breakfast, which somehow puts me in a much better work mode.

Monday night I met with my friend Laurie Gallardo (you might know her as "The Voice of KUT"), and we spent the evening sampling an amazing rosé wine from Italy (Bisson's Golfo Del Tigullio Cieligiolo rosé 2008). We talked for a couple of lovely hours about life, love, music, books; and reminiscing about obsessions from our childhood. I had lamb fricassee, a beet salad with goat cheese and fresh tarragon, seared snapper and scallops with a lovely sauce and chunks of fresh watermelon. I finished with a scoop of blackberry sour cream ice cream.

In the mornings I've started getting up, throwing on a swimsuit and driving just a couple of minutes down the road to Barton Springs...where I wake the hell UP when I hit that water! I'm trying to build up my stamina to do some laps there, but it's a far cry from my gym pool and I'm only up to several back-and-forths so far.

I mean, it's a big pond...plus in the mornings (the best lap time) I'm terribly distracted by the wildlife under the surface of the springs. So many fishes, cliff drop-offs, and beds of seaweed (or springweed?) under the surface...but with its swimming pool sides and a diving board, you'd never know unless you went early before the murk's been kicked up.

Last night I visited with Kim Lenz...she's in Austin for a week between gigs at the Continental Club and some private party with Chris Isaak. I haven't spent any real time with her in years! I'm supposed to go sing a few songs with her, and I hope it all works out.

Sometimes in the morning, I hit Town Lake for a walk. Sometimes it's Deep Eddy after work. And sometimes I'll pop over to Monica's and we'll put Desi in his stroller and take a nice walk around her neighborhood.

It seems that my home life, though admittedly more solitary than I'd prefer, is developing into a peaceful place where I do stretches, hang out on my back porch, and check out the moon in the sky almost every night.

Another new turn of events lately is that I've recently been back in touch with an old friend of mine from Kansas City. For almost a year, we had one of the sweetest platonic friendships of my life. I know it's a universal feeling for people to rekindle friendships after losing touch, but this one really warms my heart and fills me with joy. I want to meet his little son and see where he lives, outside Sante Fe. Incidentally, since I've lived in Texas, I've wanted to pop on over and see many, many places in the state of New Mexico, which I loved as a little girl and has forever held a special place in my heart. Maybe I can do this in the next month or two.

So far my plan (quite unrealistically) includes:

- Santa Rosa, NM - The Blue Hole! It's a lake 81 ft deep/clear to the bottom, 63F temp year-round. Scuba/snorkel heaven.
- Tularosa, NM - 3 Rivers Petroglyph National Recreational site - 1000-3000 year old petroglyphs!
- Roswell, NM - UFO Museum and Research Center.
- Carlsbad, NM - Carlsbad Caverns National Park. 8th Wonder of the World.
- Alamagordo, NM - Museum of Space History.
- Lincoln, NM - Billy the Kid Museum, Lincoln National Forest (home of Smokey the Bear)
- Cloudcraft, NM - National Solar Observatory
- Clovis, NM - Nor-Vi-Jak Studios, where Buddy Holly recorded most of his hits.
- Los Alamos, NM - Bandelier National Monument - tons of 12th century Pueblos!

I love New Mexico. I love Texas. And life is a-ok.

How long has it been?

I've just realized I haven't been on this blog in OVER A YEAR. I'll be in touch soon since I'm now disinterested in Myspace and Facebook doesn't seem to have an adequate platform.